Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
