i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
