Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive

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(862): View more from New Jersey

dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off

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(314): View more from Missouri

I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment

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(856): View more from New Jersey

It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.

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(985): View more from Louisiana

He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.

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(206): View more from Washington

You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.

(360): View more from Washington

1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you

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(514): View more from Quebec

fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous

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(309): View more from Illinois

I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums

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