totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
