They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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