i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
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We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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