Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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