So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
