I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
