WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
