i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
