How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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