Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
