How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
