WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm going to jail i love you
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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