The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
