your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
