R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
