I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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