Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
