just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
How does one acquire holy water?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize