Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
