Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
