I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
