Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
