I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
