If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize