We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
