And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
