What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
