apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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