White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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