im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
