It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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