This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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