Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
