If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
