need another drink. this is the easiest way
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
