Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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