worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
