4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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