I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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