Apparently you make a good broom.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
