How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
did i walk over a car last night?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
