i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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