you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
