I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
