I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
