dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
my shit smells like andre
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
