Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
wow bdsm is so cute
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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