Ambien. No doubt about it.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
