i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize