Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
