Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
