I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
