Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you would pick up someone in the library
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
