have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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