mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
