As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
