I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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