Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
