God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
