I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
