I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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