I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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