Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
