still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Watching her eat just hurts me
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
