I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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