No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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